The wife's feeling ill...the baby's restless...and I haven't slept since 24 hours ago...and that was more of a nap, really. Work wasn't that bad last shift, hell we managed to restart a heart, so not too shabby. County let us sleep between 2 and 7 yesterday am, then I had paperwork to finish - met my wife and baby directly afterward at the mall so we could eat lunch after photo day at Sears. That went well. We traveled, then, over to the at&t kiosk where I picked up my new cell phone - the Blackberry Curve, pretty sweet little device if I do say so myself.

We were home momentarily long enough for me to change out of my uniform into a social distortion tee and a pair of blue jeans...then we went to the movies to see Zombieland, which turned out to be a great time. Now I'm home, the wife's laying down because she's developed some kind of spontaneous gastric problem, the kid won't go to sleep but has stopped crying...and here I sit at the computer beside her...listening to some Robin Trower, wondering when the hell I'm gonna be allowed to nap. I have clinical rotation at the hospital across town in the morning, but at this rate-I'm not gonna feel like it.

Ah, the aggravation of early fatherhood...I hear it only gets better.
Let's hope.
The kid's crying again.
Good night, folks.

Thought I would make an update. Life has been crazy lately. Spent the past week in the hospital with my wife, as she was (at the time) nearing 10 days overdue with our daughter. We had to wait nearly 3 days for her to dilate to the point where we could have the midwife break her water. Then we waited another half a day for her to complete the dilation stage to start the hard labor, which she did exceptionally well with. I was really quite proud of her for giving life-a very spiritual time, feeling that there where others in the room giving praise...good vibes.

Seeing my daughter for the first time brought a tear to my eye. I didn't know how I would feel seeing her in the flesh...my own blood right here in my arms.

My baby girl is the most beautiful person I've ever met in my life...it's crazy. As much as a good thing as this is, I feel that my wife doesn't have the same feelings right now. I've been looking up postpartum depression, trying to understand what she's going through. I've had my share of depression, sure...try to hide it most of the time. I'm able to let a lot of it go by helping people at work. (EMS)

This is different though. I'm seeing a lot of the feelings that I have inside personified in my wife, who is normally a rather happy-go-lucky individual. A regular spitfire, and half the reason I fell in love with her in the first place. All that, though-isn't in place at the present. I've been supportive, letting her sleep as much as she can-I know her body's been through its limit with the pregnancy and birth. Been doing most of what I can while I'm here...laundry, taking care of her/the baby, trying to help her out as much as I know how...suppose I'll just have to bear it and help her get through it.

Over the past couple of days, I've seen her in a spiral though. I don't enjoy seeing her like this, and it's starting to rub off on me now. Every time Gabrielle cries I can tell she falls apart. She keeps crying, saying she feels guilty, that she isn't doing something right, this and that. I keep trying to reassure her that she's doing just fine, but she won't believe it.

Hopefully all this will pass soon. I know her hormones and body has to readjust, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they will sooner than later.

In light of everything, I feel the most perfect love when I hold my baby girl. She has the most amazing eyes. The eyes of a child...really are windows to the soul. Maybe my own.

I'm not sure what the hell that "there.com" web-site advertised at the top of the screen is all about, not entirely sure that I want to find out either.

Oh! Hey everybody, just wanted to say that YES! LIVING I AM! I'm wishing everyone a happy beginning of spring when it starts, and I'd like to say that I've finally started getting back into art a bit. I've uploaded some photos that I took today, hope you all enjoy them. I plan on uploading some more artwork to my gallery later in the week as well.

I'm running off now to work on a couple of drawings, maybe an inking or two. Later peeps.
-Justin.

As most of my friends know, Bettie Page is probably one of my all-time favorite pin-up models from the era they were made famous. Not huge news to most, but for me-it was at least a "well, I'll be damned." Here's an article from a news site I gathered for your reading.

<Verbatum>

Bettie Page, whose saucy photo spreads helped get men through, and then end, the sexual repression of the 1950s, died of a heart attack in Los Angeles. She was 85.

A straight-A high school student and graduate of Vanderbilt University, Page worked stints as a teacher, secretary, fur coat model and stage and television actress before a police officer and pinup photographer discovered her on the beach at Coney Island in 1950. She soon moved on to racy S&M-themed photos with a brother-sister team team who "cut her hair into the dark bangs that became her signature." The photos became the subject of a congressional investigation and, page said, led to harassment by federal agents.

Page posed in a Christmas-themed Playboy centerfold in 1955 (image NSFW). Heffner told AP Page "had a tremendous impact on our society... an iconic figure in pop culture who influenced sexuality, taste in fashion."

Soon after, she became depressed, and two marriages in quick succession ended in divorce. Page was diagnosed with schizophrenia and sent to a mental hospital. She later had a religious conversion. After living for years on Social Security benefits, Page benefited from an image revival the Times described thusly:

David Stevens, creator of the comic-book and later movie character the Rocketeer, immortalized her as the Rocketeer’s girlfriend. Fashion designers revived her look. Uma Thurman, in bangs, reincarnated Bettie in Quentin Tarantino’s “ulp Fiction,” and Demi Moore, Madonna and others appeared in Page-like photos.

There were Bettie Page playing cards, lunch boxes, action figures, T-shirts and beach towels. Her saucy images went up in nightclubs. Bettie Page fan clubs sprang up. Look-alike contests, featuring leather-and-lace and kitten-with-a-whip Betties, were organized

Page also came to be worshipped on the internet. Fan sites widely circulated old pictures, typified by those below, which mix racy S&M shots with tamer beach-and-bikini material. These pictures give a sampling of the sort of pictures that were, according to AP, " quickly tacked up on walls in military barracks, garages and elsewhere, where they remained for years."

Later in life, Page refused to be photographed, saying she wanted to be remembered as she had looked in her heyday.

The next time you see a naked picture on the internet, or some good bondage porn, think of Bettie Page. She specifically requested it! In addition to making it all possible. (So hot!)

To visit this site's original page, go here:

[link]

"I miss you, too..." I hear myself say the words in my head-but can't make them come out. Perhaps knowing that you shouldn't say something you don't mean is worth gold in another world. Humanity has lost that as a whole, I think. Autonomic in response to spit out words that sound like they are what needs to be said, instead of saying what you really need to tell someone.

I need to tell someone how special they are to me. I need to tell someone how much I care about them.
I need to feel someone understands me.
I need to feel I care.
That is my wife.

Waking up, having to rush, brushing my teeth, having a wash, toasting some bread, lacing my boots, locking the house, back to my roots.

My day begins in such a blur, I'm not even sure I do the things I do...robot-like in my repetitive action. Did I turn all the lights off? Is my shirt buttoned straight? I kiss you good-bye, tasting stale and smoky lips-with just a hint of mouthwash.

I go about my business, greeting patients, conversing with nurses, flying down the highway, moving bodies, wearing myself thin. I stop to eat around sundown. Then everyone is drunk. Everyone is depressed. They all want to kill each other. This whole city wants to die at the same time. I am not allowed to let them. In the wee hours nearing the end of my day, an old man falls out of bed. I feel pity, I feel anger, and I feel empty. Then he says "thank you" as he signs a refusal and I feel content and leave his house with a smile on my face.

I find myself staring off into space in the ER hallway...the alarm goes off on my cell-phone. I turn it off. "Damn, time to wake up." The sun comes back up. I fill out a stack of papers. I make a few phone calls. Then I remember you.
You answer, half-asleep. Mocking me silently with your yawn-stretched "hello". I am jealous.

Again, instead of "I miss you, too..." the words that form off my tongue are "Well, I'll be home soon. Sure. Love you." I come home, shaken from my shift. You talk about your mother. I drift and think about writing a song, then about showering. I hear you words...in sparse sections.
"said 'that cat is furry!"
..."told me to go to hell, so I was"
"milk" "cosmos" "new movie"
Then comes the one I love the most.
"Are you going to talk?"

It still blows my mind, how you have no idea what your husband does. What he sees. How he deals. How he means to tell you the things that you want to hear. How he wants to tell you that he cares. How he needs you to understand.

We argue about my job. I'm convinced that you hate me. Everything I say is another push in the wrong direction. You're stressed out. I make it worse. You don't understand how I can't take your life into consideration. I laugh to myself "There's a reason you can't wear size 13 boots"

You apologize. We make love. You make dinner. I make a song. We watch a movie. I fall asleep. You wake me up. The process begins again before dawn.
"Damn. I was having a good dream."

-Justin Massie 2008